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SATIRE: Satan Thanks Hollywood for His Grammy Award
Satire: Satan and Beelzebub sincerely thanked Hollywood for their Grammy awards at the 2023 Grammys. “As King of Hollywood—I mean, Hell, it’s about time I got this award, but thank you anyway,” said Satan. “Considering how open Hollywood has become about bowing to my rule, I half expected it, but it’s still satisfying. I would like to thank Lizzo, Taylor Swift, Madonna, Beyoncé, LL Cool J, Harry Styles, and all my good friends here who helped make this possible. Not to mention our sponsor, Pfizer, whose vaccines have sent many prematurely to our hospitable inferno.”
Satan, in his latest incarnation as “Sam Smith,” a non-binary white dude, danced around the stage at the Grammys with his horns and cape, making a wall of fire erupt. The Prince of Darkness later told reporters he was delighted to be able to dress in his habitual gear instead of having to wear costumes. When a reporter asked “Smith” why “Smith’s” pronouns are “they/them,” Satan replied, “We are Legion.”
Beelzebub accompanied his master, incarnated as the transgender Kim Petras. Petras performed in a cage and tight dress surrounded by whip-wielding she-devils, which he—or she—or it described as its natural habitat.
“The LGBTQ movement, the Democrat Party, Disney, and TikTok already do a darn good job advertising Hell and all its works, but it’s always fun to do a bit of advertising myself,” said Beelzebub, his—or hers—or its eyes glowing red. “After all that heavy lifting with abortion, transgender kiddos, and ‘vaccines’ this year, it was fun to relax with a Grammys performance. Thank you so much for this award.” Beelzebub then lost interest in the interviewing reporter from CNN as he had no soul left to steal.
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