SATIRE: Santa Klaus Schwab Lowers Kids’ Expectations for Christmas Presents

Satire: Children climbing onto the lap of Santa Klaus Schwab didn’t get quite what they expected this year. “Heil—I mean, ho, ho, ho,” chuckled Santa Klaus, leering at the little girl on his lap. “And what present do you want this year?” “A doll!” The girl responded. “A doll?” Santa Klaus exclaimed. “You mean you like to take care of babies? Don’t you know climate change will kill the world if we have more babies? Ach du lieber! A nice Pride flag is much better.”

Santa Klaus then handed the little girl a cricket cane and sent her on her way.

A little boy next climbed onto Santa Klaus Schwab’s lap. “Santa, I want a BB gun!” he said. “A BB GUN?!?! Insurrectionist! Threat to global democracy! You are a bad little boy!” Santa Klaus shrieked. “Do I get coal?” asked the little boy, tears in his eyes. “Ach, this child will kill the planet! No! A red QR code on your social present score. You will own nothing and you will be happy,” said the angry Santa Klaus, as red as his suit and the Chinese flag behind him.

Santa Klaus’s elves, who looked suspiciously like Uyghurs and sported festive beribboned manacles on their wrists, then carted the little boy away.

Santa Klaus eventually announced to every child that they/them would all get vaccines for presents and departed in his electric sleigh, pulled by Nancy Pelosi, the Red-Nosed House Speaker.