SATIRE: AOC Gives Speech at Her Own Funeral after SCOTUS Decision Kills Her
Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (AOC) gave the following speech at her own funeral after she died following the Dobbs Supreme Court decision that overturned Roe v. Wade.
Some people might think making a speech at my own funeral is easy, because I’ve done it so many times now. In fact, I died so many times that I accounted for, like, 70% of casualties during the deadly insurrection against democracy of Jan. 6, when a mob of angry Americans threatened one of our branches of government. Which was a tragic attack on democracy.
But it doesn’t get any easier to attend my own funeral. For one thing, I, like, couldn’t get a new designer “tax the rich pro-lifers” black dress in time. And this time I was literally killed by an Uncle Tom and his racist fellow justices. When will violence from black white supremacists against perselfs of color like me end?!
But our fight doesn’t end here. We must now, all of us who are so angry, get together and threat—I mean, protest outside that evil branch of government, the Supreme Court. Basically, these justices literally murdered me. And they murdered billions of women. They must be impeached! Not allowing us to kill our babies is, like, literal violence. It’s almost as bad as that time I was repeatedly assaulted by weird guys all in khaki shorts on Jan. 6. Evil Trump supporters. And now they’re coming for our right to chop up our babies before they’re born!!!!
(Brief hiatus as AOC dies again.)
As we know, there’s a constitutional right to abortion. My fiancé is totally supporting me on this and said that, after all, we don’t want, like, eight little AOCs running around; one is enough. Which is exactly what I say—that this is about us, as women, and how literal Nazis on the Supreme Court are attacking us.
We know we have this right to abortion because the Constitution is living, unlike fetuses. Down with the Supreme Court!