Satire: Aliens who landed near Washington, D.C., on Monday and asked to be taken to the leader of this planet were highly unamused when they were led to Joe Biden.
“Drop and give me 20 push-ups, Jack!” shouted the alleged president upon seeing the bug-eyed aliens, wildly waving his ice cream cone. “I took on Corn Pop and that great n*gro boxer Mohammed Ali, and I can take on you! Our patience wears thin! Scrubblefrictyn!”
A nervous aide tried to excuse the “president’s” behavior by informing the aliens that today is April Fools’ Day, a day on which Americans play humorous pranks on each other, like pretending an angry dementia patient who shakes hands with ghosts is the fully functioning leader of the free world. “We promise, this guy named Barack is actually in charge. Haha! Such a good joke! Please don’t kill us,” the aide told the aliens.
Biden, meanwhile, grew increasingly hostile as he eyed the oddly-shaped aliens, eventually commanding a potted plant in an agitated voice to “bring me…you know…the thing” before accusing a bust of Abraham Lincoln of inviting in the aliens as a personal insult. The president then attempted to walk out a window but was saved by Jill Biden and a horde of Chinese lobbyists.
“We question this strange tradition of you humans to pretend this crazy creature is a planetary leader even for one day of the year,” said the alien spokesman through a translator. “May I ask if the name of the day refers to the fools playing the tricks or the fools pretending the jokes are normal and amusing?”
Reports said the aliens had been planning to destroy the planet after meeting its main “leader,” but, after hearing about “chest feeding” men, and the loony old man with the ice cream and diapers having access to nuclear codes, decided it was equally effective to allow the humans to destroy themselves.